# Creating Closeness in Disagreement: The Power of Validation - top of page Synced: [[2023_11_30]] 6:03 AM Last Highlighted: [[2023_09_21]] Tags: [[psychology]]  ## Highlights [[2023_09_21]] [View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hatwt6c1z4gqb0e40n78yys5) > *It demonstrates that you are not interested in arguing.* Providing validation automatically establishes that you are not trying to ‘win’ or be right. It shows that you’re willing to see things from the other person’s perspective (even if you don’t agree). [[2023_09_21]] [View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hatwtjkt9g296yfnqth1a44t) > *It establishes common ground.* By agreeing to the things that aren’t arguable, such as the fact that my wife felt hurt, we are able to stand on common understanding so that we are less likely to be defensive and adversarial when discussing the points we don’t agree upon. [[2023_09_21]] [View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hatwvebvzafag7f8cq239ryt) > *It soothes emotional hurt.* When a small child is crying, how much good does it do to try to convince him that a small scrape isn’t so bad? I’ve never seen a child suddenly stop crying and say, “You know, you’re right. There are far worse things that could happen.” However, when you say things like, “Oh! That must have hurt. It never feels good to get a scrape. I’m here with you, and you’re going to be okay,” you may find that the child begins to calm down. When you validate your partner, you are acknowledging their experience (scrapes hurt!) and let’s them know that you’re still on their team (I’m here with you).